“So there you have it: two things & I can’t bring them together & they are wrenching me apart. These two feelings, this knowledge of a world so awful, this sense of a life so extraordinary --- how am I to resolve them?” --- Richard Flanagan

⤞ wandering thoughts ---

There is something to be said for living life with eyes wide open, peering around wildly in a honest gaze. For looking demons in the face. For the knowledge of what is. 

For closing those same eyes mellowly and offering up a prayer, in sacred chaos, in crumbling awareness of the threats that be. 

It's usually easy for me to advocate a whimsical life. I am quick to see the good, to believe the idea that people are well intentioned and beautiful and we’re all just over here on a spinning rock trying not to hurt one another. The world feels thunderous (intense) and wonderous (springtime) and I cannot translate either one. 

⤞ It's so bewildering that our brains are complex enough to contain multiple emotions within a single experience. This is how the world feels to me now. Too much, too hidden. Our brains hard at work on problems too big; our hearts hard at work on solutions too complex. Few of us with a free set of hands for digging deeper.

Dinner table dialogue offers multiple thoughts: Better healthcare? Less guns? More modesty? Less hashtags? More clarity? 

Which is it: less or more? 

If it’s half empty, can we pour more?

If it’s half full, what does that mean for the thirsty? 

⤞ guess what? --- I have no answers. 

I will tell you --- I don’t believe in happenstance, in coincidence, in the idea that our world’s connections and energy and wavelengths have been so spliced that we’re no longer each others. I believe we were created from the same dust and rubble, and I think that makes us all wild and unique.

The knowledge of a world so awful --- is altogether what propels us to dig in, dropping to our knees, focusing harder at a life so amazing that sits right in front of us. We’d have no reason to do it otherwise. 

⤞ There is a temptation to skirt around the world’s awful. To walk away from the uncertain toward the visible gifts --- like pink sunsets, a tea ceremony, and a walk about in a healing forest. 

Why work hard for such little or no reward? 

⤞ Because it matters. Because the fresh air and the warm sun start to feel good, start to feel right, start to become momentous. Because sometimes you find the truth and sometimes you don’t. Because you search anyway, for just long enough and it changes you. Because you can only self care for so long before you only care for yourself. Because I am stardust and you are stardust and the things that are the most worrisome, the hardest work, the dirtiest jobs, are the very dust we were born from and born for. Because distractions aren’t really distractions. Because the world looks really intense from far away, just absolutely mucky, and when we get closer it gets just as messy. 

Because we are still here and we are consiously digging in the dirt. Be safe. Be well. Much Love goes out to You on the winds ~ Deanna